Helicopters Parents vs Devil Emails

I recently had a dear friend ask me to please meet with her neighbor about their Senior in HS. As a favor. This neighbor had read my book, and “had some questions.” Happy to help. So we met.

First of all, our meeting was after school hours. The Senior was not present. Now, it’s February-he graduates in early June. So, I’m expecting maybe a complicated review of college scholarship offers from a parental point of view. Maybe he’s not there as it involves their finances… but, no.

The question is: where should he go? And, he hasn’t applied to any school yet. The parent likes this out-of-the-way University out of state, but, wait, he isn’t sure what he wants to do. Should he go anyway? Oh, by the way, he’s Dual Enrollment

I’m reeling as this seems so confusing. I start with some basic tell me more about him and his interests questions. He likes construction as a Habitat for Humanity volunteer. But, what could he do with that? (Lots, but it involves trades training, and that did not appeal to HER.)

As to the Dual Enrollment thing; it usually means you are taking a course of study in your last two years of High School whereby you earn your Associate’s Degree. Again, not quite. He has passed 19 hours of the roughly 52-60 program hours needed for that degree. There’s a reason. He has a learning challenge that requires Accommodation. She only shared THAT when I asked her directly, because of an inadvertent clue she dropped. At best we have maybe a semester that will credit transfer. A nice but modest start.

She immediately returned to one or two out-of-state Universities and completely overlooked the local options. She clearly had not researched her own' states’ education options nearby. They HAD NOT DONE A CAMPUS VISIT ANYWHERE. LOCAL OR AWAY.

IT’S FEBRUARY, folks. SHE WANTS OUT-OF-STATE. Competition for the 7-17% of freshman slots reserved for out-of-state students is generally tougher and harder to snag than in-state. They also go fast.

My first piece of advice? Visit the schools now, no later than the end of the month.. She said it was hard with his classes on Tuesday/Thursday. I said you need to focus on the future. Skip a class and go!

Financially, to their credit, they have saved a high portion of the cost of college for him, even with out-of-state rates. That is a major accomplishment, providing big options.

But, where is her STUDENT in all of this? Certainly not present in this important conversation. While his grades are good, he is way behind the eight ball with all of this. And I think I know why. His helicopter mom is in the way.

What about the opposite problem? You know, the student who tosses off the “I got this” phrase, takes over the application/admission process, and then, the numbers and the money and the bills don’t make sense?

The key culprit to that scenario is in the fine print. We used to say the “devil was in the details.” Today, substitute details with emails. Not reading your emails can be VERY costly. We need to pound home that if they DO the work, that includes reading, reviewing, and understanding ALL correspondence from their school (s). If you don’t, you’ll miss out on scholarships, deadlines, and even your slot as a student.

Here’s another new, true story. A mid-twenties friend of my daughter just learned her college “scholarship” disappeared. She’s been doing college online, and, due to learning and health issues, struggles with her coursework. She was notified over 18 most ago that it was lost due to poor grades. This notice was sent by email, but she does not see/read/or deal with her emails. She kept taking courses, clicking on the portal buttons to activate them. As a result of “activating access to her classes,” she was agreeing to buy them at the regular price. She just discovered her total loans to date are over $20,0000. Surprise. Now, I know she suffers from ADHD and needs Accommodation. She is smart and a hard worker. The real villain here was not getting help developing a system to manage her information flow so she could be well-informed.

I have nothing but admiration for students desiring more education and needing Accommodation to do it. Their mountain is much higher than most of the rest of us.

Parents, we must help our students with techniques to counter their issues, and help them achieve their educational goals. Get your students this type of life training for their future studies, as well as handling life.

Come to think of it, most of us would do better with some practical life hacks!

Until Next Time,

All My Best,

Bonnie Burkett